call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
