I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
