So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
