He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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