Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
