coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
