Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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