I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize