you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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