Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
