Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
