Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The struggles of a small town man whore
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
