I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize