I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
