so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
