Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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