For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
