with your own penis?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
