the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
