ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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