i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
