Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
