I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
