i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
