Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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