I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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