A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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