She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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