His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
