matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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