Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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