Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
