I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
