I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
