i think my tv is drunk
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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