The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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