I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
