y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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