he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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