I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
