So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
