Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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