I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
