I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize