i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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