whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
