I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
