Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
