Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
