My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
