Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
