If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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