giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
