He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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