it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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