this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize