fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
no you cant smoke seaweed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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