chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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