That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
