So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
