maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I forget how to act sober
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
