why didn't you poke me back
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
this boner is exhausting
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
