Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
