i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
