I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
