Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize